Let Us Consider the Masks That We Wear...

"O, what a tangled web we weave when we practice to decieve"  

A famous excerpt from Sir Walter Scott's famous literary work titled Marmion: A Tale of Floddon Field. 

Consider the complexities we introduce into our lives through the art of deception.

Deception... To give the appearance of, to place up a front, a laying on of a facade for the purpose of causing others to see something that isn't really there. Pretenses, falsity, delusions, veils.... Whatever they may be called. They are, masks... 

Masks... You will see them in all countries, cultures and customs all over the world varying in their representations and meanings, significances and.... no.... I will not bore you with the tedious factual details that masks can mean around this globe but I would like to bring to you what's in my mind and how my brain wraps around the deeper concept of a mask and how if figuratively plays the roles in each of our lives.

Let us Consider the Masks we wear...

What we place upon ourselves... Trying to conform to this socialized and cultural ideal of what we think we are supposed to be and then.... the painful disparity, the insecurity, the dejection that will always follows when we find we are not meeting up to such a standard... How we mentally beat ourselves black and blue because we are not able enough, talented enough, strong enough, and never near good enough. 

Let us consider those Masks...

The ones we in turn, place upon others... When we expect them to conform to an image that is not them, the criticisms, the slander, the ridicule we give them because they are not like us, how we silence the essential core essence of what makes them, in an attempt to further validate ourselves, deflect our own inner turmoil... How selfish of us... How cruel of us... 

How ugly are these masks...

I can remember growing up...

The whispers, the laughs, the slander, the rejection, the isolation, the misunderstandings, the utter loneliness, the Pain... 

All of us have faced this...

All of us have been guilty of injecting this...

You're not big enough, small enough...

Tall enough... Short enough...

Lenient enough... Strict enough...

Black enough...

White enough...

Dark enough...

Light enough...

Smart enough...

Privileged enough...

Of course I could go on... These pains... These hurts... Let's hide them.

I hate myself... I'm too weird... Too strange... It doesn't matter anyway. There's nothing special here.

So here it comes... Crafted, styled, painted, ready to create that image that we can safely present to the world. Here is my mask.

My mask, my pretense, my facade... Here I am something. I am gifted far beyond... I am witty and charming, beautiful and interesting. With my mask I can keep up with today's standards and safely stay in place. With my mask I am conforming... Here I'm accepted... And maybe even loved to a conditional degree... Because now I fit in. I look like everyone else... I talk like everyone else... Im saying all the right things! I dress like everyone else... I am just like everybody else... I am so happy! This is awesome!

But deception...

What amazing pretenses we bring, what crafty words we say, what an amazing life we seem to have....

Oh the smooth yet elusive wrapping of our idealized minds, how we can intrinsically paint a picture with the ironing of our lines.

These are the masks. They are fake. Look at how we have to constantly position ourselves accordingly just to keep this face in place... It is tiring... 

Such figurative placings over our face due to our inability to FACE up to the truth. Living to fall into the hands of pleasing others, keeping up an appearance, and conforming is the mirror of your own disgusting self-degeneration...

With our masks... No longer do we know who we are. All identity is lost. 

With our masks... We hide the very qualities that God has given us.

With our masks... We attract those who were never meant to even be in our lives, vying for their acceptance...  and in turn, never do we meet those who need us the most. 

Masks rob us all in many many way...

Remove it...

We must find ourselves.

It's not easy... I will not say it is. However it is honest and it is truthful and it will set us free. It is limitless and we shall not be contained on the back of the likes of and on behalf of another, but upon the "limitless-ness" that is God's.

Express the you that God has fearfully and wonderfully created. Our accomplishments and our failures... They are what make you, you and me, me! 

This is the start of unity and the end of conformity and Of course we should have unity amongst ourselves but that cannot happen without first understanding, coming to terms with, and accepting ourselves. This is to include shortcomings as well as accomplishments. When we align ourselves within, we can have alignment throughout...

Let us bring our diversity. Embrace the opposition which is presented through differences. Stand firmly in self but grow and learn from that which is the elusive and unfamiliar.

Let us throw away our masks, and unmask the beautiful reflection of diversity which is God's.

Let's create a judgement free zone...

"Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ." - Colossians 2:8

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Crabs: The purpose and the meanings (to me)

I won't bore you here with facts on crabs, but I've come to read and see how they are purposed on the the earth just like any other person, place and thing. I think about the significance they can personally bring to our lives on a level that is just merely us or merely them alone.

Some of the positives attributes I gain on learning from them are the fact that they mainly survive for the good of their family, providing protection above all. Negatively however they are known scavengers and will pick at to eat anything that they come across, sometimes to the detriment of themselves or ultimately to the detriment of an ecosystems; depleting the qualities that can help an environment to grow especially in the event of over-population.

What's interesting to note is the Latin term for Crab is Cancer, which on an obvious level is one of the man-made astrological signs to those born under the a Zodiac sign, but further more provides the root words for the English termed malignant disease "Cancer" and for the Greek term "Canker" which was coined by Hippocrates, a Greek medical expert in his time who coined the term as the disease itself resembled a crab-like image.

I don't see the literal benefits of crabs (other than that they are good to eat and taste good "yum!") and on the opposite side, the dangers of them to us on a physical level (other than that they pinch and bite, and that hurts! "ouch"! cause some to be allergic...). I know crabs are created by God and as stated before they purposed. However on a deeper level what is the symbol they can represent in our own lives?

Let me explain without rambling to a point of where I will lose you...

I notice the hardened outer shell on crabs, how they aid in protecting and for arming from predators, elements and the pressures that varying water levels can bring. This fact alone reveals the vast types of crabs and how the ways of evolution and natural selection can bring about their varying colors, shapes, sizes, leg lengths, body structure and shell densities. The protective defense purposes of the claws... And also in how they cast off their shells for new ones, become temporarily soft, and hide to regenerate... all for the quintessential way of growing.

I've come to understand through this, that we should have our times to be like crabs in some respects. There is purpose in putting on the armor to protect us from the elements, from people who would potentially hurt us, not to become prey and vulnerable to the things around us. This armor, these claws serves as our benefit and protection and as a humankind we should begin to represent the parallel likenesses of crabs to the degrees in which I have described above.

There is a time for us to grow, which cases we must shed our old ways, our old shell. Then the hardest part rests in the being naked without it. We get soft and vulnerable, some of us die in such vulnerabilities but realize that this too is for an ultimate reason; the pain, the uncertainty. Even in this phase our claws also serve no purpose. This is the place where we should hide, bury ourselves and prepare ourselves for the next phase in life. Though it may be tough, look forward to the regeneration. This is the part where our faith is tried the most, and where we are soft and weak and subject to things that harm us, know that God stands in the place of our shell. Through this HE protects us.

Now know that as we grow through the ups and downs of weakness and strength that our armor becomes thicker, denser. Is is then purposed for us to go into the deeper waters and not be killed by the pressure and the unknown creatures that lurk. With our shell we are able to withstand the trials better than we were able to do when we were smaller, or when our shells were thinner.

These are the ways of the crab that I can relate to in my own life, I strive to be strong but also I realize my limitations, the times where I'm weak and ultimately I know that I serve a God that can stand in the gap of such things.

Sometimes even the parallel nature of the crab reveals the nature of our own shortcomings. Let us not become that famous coined term "crabby". This is where we snip and pinch at everything and everyone around us... sometimes without just cause...

Yes yes... while our shells serve as the purpose of protecting they can also reveal the realization of self-imposed prisons behind our own guarding. Without reserve they mirror how we can become hardened and rigid in our ways when we don't give in the time to just CAST it off! We see the fruit of bitterness revealed even on this tangible level and much like the malignant disease of Cancer, our crab-like ways can be the death of us.

It was never intended for us to stay locked within ourselves, buried under the figurative mud from the rest of the world. In this respect come out from your shell, but stay guarded. I know... such an oxymoron. But perhaps it isn't really!

Much like the attributing nature of crabs let us give of ourselves while maintaining our guard. Stay out of the deep unknown places that we ourselves can't handle, unless we are well equipped and ready. Allow ourselves a healthy time to regenerate in our hurts and vulnerabilities, times of growth. Let's be consistent in our life phases... skipping is not really an option. Is it? Let's be the crabs, err... I mean people we were structured and meant to be throughout!

If your curious about the real life ways of crabs, go here --> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab Otherwise enjoy the rest of your day!


Ephesians 6:10-18

10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

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The Beauty of Truth (Random expounding thoughts of the day)

For days I find myself lost in my own thoughts. I stay locked up and stored away from the rest of the world around me. It is a call or perhaps just s selfish need to gather the facets around me, to make sense of the insensitive and to ponder that which is thoughtless. However in this I realize that the truth, the multilateral makings are not elusive but simplistic... It is we ourselves... Our selfish "me" oriented nature, our jealousies, our self imposed limits, or violence, our rage, our despair, our need to out-shine which adds to the confusion which surrounds the truth.

We see that the truth is a powerful gather of purpose and in it is a mirror of our full potential, ONLY when we are honest about that which makes us less than perfect. We look to the truth despite our errors as a guidepost to bettering and enriching our lives.

While it may tear us, bring temporary defeat, the Truth never destroys us but that which is the fallible nature in us. The truth uplifts us, extols us hearkens us...

So in a word embrace the challenges presented through another's differences... see past the layers of something that is unlike or unfamiliar to you. Pointing out another error only casts the light of Truth upon our own short comings, our need to be right, our need to stand tall and our need to be recognized. Destroy those destructive qualities... We can attain spotlessness...

Stand firm, we can not waver in opposition when we stand firm in knowing; Grow from which is elusive and unfamiliar. Be wary of the acceptance built through blind compliance; the celebration of sameness and likeness builds a seemingly beautiful paved road of degeneration... Yet... there is no beauty in degeneration, degradation... and... once we fall into that we compromise that which is our true purpose, our true self and we give over into becoming an empty reprobate carbon copy, a clone. We are not clones, but we are fearfully and wonderfully made by the hands of the Almighty.


The truth is beautiful and beautiful is the truth. Just realize... with this notion that Beauty is all around us; within us, beside us, beyond us, behind us. Please look around you; next to you, underneath of you, surpassing that which is the likeness of you.

To see beauty is to see that which differs and is against you, something far off...
To see beauty is to see many consistent layers of inward and outward, far off and close, familiar and not...

Appreciate those people and those things which cross your path; learn from them and grow from them. Recognize the beauty of pain and opposition they bring as much as you recognize the similarities and likenesses they have. Embrace such things with an open yet guarded heart and know it is purposeful...

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

(Artwork by: Jessa Gilbert)

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Typos, Grammatical Errors, and Misspellings oh my!!

For me it's painful to go back and read what I've read, only to have an enormous and embarrassing amount of typos, errors and misspellings. I thank God for editors though, but what do we do in the meantime when we have only ourselves to rely on?

One thing I learn when writing, reviewing, re-reading is that while it may not be perfect we can still afford the ability to get our points across and have it reach and impact others. Embrace imperfection but don't strive to wear it. Fix imperfections when they re brought to your attention... see them, make wrongs right within yourself or with someone else... We aren't perfect but striving to be better is okay.

All of this is coming from the thoughts of sometimes, who at times is a perfection. I honestly hope by saying this that I am no going to succumb to the ideals of my perfectionist mentality. Click Here!

I wonder how many true friends we have out there?

They're not really your friends if the condition of their friendship is to act, think, look, talk or speak like them... Are they? It's ok for friendships to have conditions and limitations but not at the expense of who you are... Not at the expense of your soul. 

I can see now how we can define the false notion of friendship; to a much deeper degree of acting upon never knowing how to truly be a friend. Look at how we lay the pavement for the self-fulfilling prophecy of isolated loneliness and despair. 😞😪That's how screwed up our world is... Never let us compromise our stance at the cost of another's control or wishes. We can't afford that.

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He who is double minded...

I would first like to raise a disclaimer. These postings are a result of what goes on in my brain. Please don't hold fast to what I say, run with it to only find yourself confused or angry. I don't intend to stir strife or confusion, nor do I promote haughtiness or claim to know everything. I don't. In fact I'm far from knowing everything and like many of you I am simply trying to make sense of my environment, the things I encounter on a daily basis, as well as the thoughts that often cross, entertain, confound or even plague my mind. Therefore please take everything I say with an open mind and honest heart. That's the only thing I advocate here; honesty ingenuity and the right to think...

 

I've often wrestled with the terms "double-minded ness", "strattling the fence" "lukewarmness". They are common soliloquies in Christian church culture used to represent the nature of Christians who are living a worldly or secular life coupled with attempts to living for God. They are taken from scriptures like James 1:8, Revelation chapter 3, 1 Corinthians 10, various other scriptures throughout the books...

You don't have to agree, but I believe the Bible is an infallible book of truth honesty mirroring the dynamics of human life; the struggles we face as people, pains, temptations, trials, persecutions, joy, honor love and hatred etc... Etc... Basically it's a teaching tool on how to be a decent and honest person. However with that being said, I've seen the downfall with this book. Not for its sheer purpose but for the disturbing resonance it leaves by the hands of others. I've seen examples of these very same scriptures used to confuse people, bring further turmoil and questions about our own lives and where we stand. It's unbearably and painfully cruel.

I just don't agree that having one foot in and one foot out per say has little , if any to do with how we live our lives for God. If anything, this mindset and way of living is perpetuated by others notion on how other well meaning see fit. The feeling of screwing up constitutes a sinful lifestyle when that's just not true. We are hard on ourself and many times we allow people to have say and dictate our lives.

Following after an idealized standard of how someone should live creates a false sense of identity, in terms of who we are in God. I'm not talking about living any way you want to live or doing everything the way you selfishly see fit; because you WILL run over and hurt others and OURSELVES with this mentality. I'm talking about being one way built around the expectation and desires of others, while hiding your true purposed self. That is the strattling the fence, being selfishly caught (for favor, recognition acceptance) between how we look to others and how God wants us to be. This is the "lukewarmness"I see when we attempt to be the fire and light of the Holy Ghost coupled with the cold callousness fueled by self agenda and the control of force by people. This is where the double mindedness comes into play. 

James 1:8 "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways..."

No wonder there seems to be an pandemic of identity crisis. We will not find the value of our purpose in things, people, lifestyle, culture. We find value in our life when we realize we are nothing without God.

Again I don't claim to know answers or have it all figured out. No one said that life would be easy or without struggle... However a little note of perspective  can help ease our burdens, a note to not give up or lose hope, a simple message to stay encouraged and upon this beaten path.

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Yes it IS a difficult feat, but be yourself... Always...

I never EVER do this, and most likely you will not see me do this again. Probably ever... I have I've come to see recently that putting yourself out there, exposing sides of yourself poses a great risk in itself. There's much at stake; from your own reputation, to just the very perspective of how others view you and what they think. At the end of the day it doesn't matter. Does it? We are who we are, molded and shaped by God and all called for a greater purpose.

I would briefly like to call attention to an artist whom I have had the pleasure of listening to and gaining inspiration from since 2001. A part of my life I have spent searching for who I am, in God, as a person and how I can impact others. I know we should never idolize people, which I don't want to say I am doing but his musical lyrics gave the very definition of what it means to reach higher depths, all while gaining a grasp of love and beauty and life, our purpose, and who we are on a much deeper level... WHO God is...

Sadly 2 years ago today, July 18th he passed away at the age of 32. Perhaps he was still searching, or... Having found the Truth. I don't know but I would like to recognize a side of myself that I would probably never expose given the circumstance. I have studied Japanese on and off for the passed 15 or so years and artists like him are a credit to my "weirdness". It was something that I once greatly despised. At times I found great shame and tried to desperately hide from others for fear of judgement and ridicule. I realize I can no longer do that. There is a reason for all of us to be here and it isn't for us to covet and hold onto.

Bottom line... don't be afraid to be yourself. Ever... Find yourself in the things that can afford the blessing a unique twist on life. 

Rest in Peace Shinohara Hitoshi A.K.A. Isshi of the band Kagrra.

I own all of these wonderful albums. Click Below to Purchase Kagrra Albums from Amazon!

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Some brief thoughts of mine.

I think these last few days have taught me a very big and valuable lesson on empathy... I may not be able to always see where another is coming from, nor even imagine the pain they feel... Because honestly I'm not them... Whether it be from a minutely close or very vast proximity... But to realize and understand the human struggle... that we all have some form of it but that we are not selfish in coveting it... Nor allowing it to destroy us from the inside... but that we release it and realize with an honest and open heart. Upholding and bearing one another's burdens... That's healing on a mass level... That is love at its purest and finest...

Love is the basic Fundamental...

An earlier post I made on facebook...

After naming off a rather long list of individuals she loved (basically everyone she knew, I.E. Daddy, Sissy, Mommy, Grammy, Pop-Pop, Uncle Joey , Aunt Nicole, Lily, Dexter, various family members and friends.... It went on for minutes really.... Too many to tag and name)
Mommy: "Soooo who else do you love?"
Audrey (as she looks up thoughtfully): "hmmmmm.... I love PEOPLE" (Following a big toothy smile)

Sometimes as parents we concern ourselves (perhaps overly) with setting a good example, teaching our children the right things, instilling them with good morals and values... And yes we will make mistakes but its comforting to see some core elements manifest themselves at an early age. Despite everything else; it's about loving people first and foremost.

It's amazing to see a 2 year old have this concept down, why can't all of is have this? To further follow on this thought I realize all of us at one point in time, yes, me included operate on a rather selfish mindset. I'm very proud, in a humbled way, to say that my child has inspired me.  Click Here!

Putting Oneself Out There is Only the Beginning of a Struggle

I think and think... all day sometime .Sometimes obsessively, sometimes introspectively, sometimes too deeply... I think a lot. While its not anything new for me, or anyone else for that matter, as it is an innate human function, what I do grapple with is the idea of self expression. I don't consider myself an artist by any means, at least not what comes to the mind's image of a typical artist.... Nor do I see myself as out there on the 5th dimension (whatever that really even is o.O) By all means I am a normal (and hopefully rational) human being wanting, or perhaps even needing at this age, to express myself as individual, living on this earth. I don't claim to know answers, nor can I entirely rationalize everything from my own perspective. For as you know, emotions have sometimes a cruel hand at clouding such evened sentiments. 

Aside from rambling, I come here realizing that I have overcome a rather large feat for myself. I've worked up the nerve to express myself, beyond what and who I know. It has been a dream of mine since I was 7 years old to be a writer and here at age 30, here goes. I know in my heart I've always been one, and maybe coming on here to make this statement does not define, no discredit this notion. I am by all means, I'm just simply fulfilling what God has called me to be.

I love to think, in tangents even, but you get to a point of where you realize that thoughts, ideas... They can only go so far until *POOF* they are gone. Then comes the next step comes in recording them, writing them, which still for me was just as fine. Comfortable. If it was something to think about, it was just that. A thought... Nothing more, nothing less, perhaps beyond that it was written down and  journaled. But even that goes only so far especially for someone like me; someone often wracked with fear of stepping out and expressing myself beyond myself and a small select of others....

I realize now how selfish that is to a degree, how fear is stifling, and the only way of getting over our apprehensions is simply just that... To get over them. So... Without further "adieu"... Here I am. A writer with hopes and fears, a mother, a human being, attempting to get over this fear of putting myself out there and just being me.

Feel free to follow me. Feel free to respond, agree with me or not. I've come to expect both since not one of us are cut, shaped or molded the same. Each of us comes with our own story and our own perspective. I say the more diverse, the better. If things have been going, the way they've been going in my mind then expect more from me. Sometimes our thoughts are not for us. Sometimes our thoughts are for others, even if its intended purpose is to just encourage them, that they are not alone and that they are apart of a network of people just like them.

Thanks for following and thanks for being here as I start to get over myself.

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