Putting Oneself Out There is Only the Beginning of a Struggle

I think and think... all day sometime .Sometimes obsessively, sometimes introspectively, sometimes too deeply... I think a lot. While its not anything new for me, or anyone else for that matter, as it is an innate human function, what I do grapple with is the idea of self expression. I don't consider myself an artist by any means, at least not what comes to the mind's image of a typical artist.... Nor do I see myself as out there on the 5th dimension (whatever that really even is o.O) By all means I am a normal (and hopefully rational) human being wanting, or perhaps even needing at this age, to express myself as individual, living on this earth. I don't claim to know answers, nor can I entirely rationalize everything from my own perspective. For as you know, emotions have sometimes a cruel hand at clouding such evened sentiments. 

Aside from rambling, I come here realizing that I have overcome a rather large feat for myself. I've worked up the nerve to express myself, beyond what and who I know. It has been a dream of mine since I was 7 years old to be a writer and here at age 30, here goes. I know in my heart I've always been one, and maybe coming on here to make this statement does not define, no discredit this notion. I am by all means, I'm just simply fulfilling what God has called me to be.

I love to think, in tangents even, but you get to a point of where you realize that thoughts, ideas... They can only go so far until *POOF* they are gone. Then comes the next step comes in recording them, writing them, which still for me was just as fine. Comfortable. If it was something to think about, it was just that. A thought... Nothing more, nothing less, perhaps beyond that it was written down and  journaled. But even that goes only so far especially for someone like me; someone often wracked with fear of stepping out and expressing myself beyond myself and a small select of others....

I realize now how selfish that is to a degree, how fear is stifling, and the only way of getting over our apprehensions is simply just that... To get over them. So... Without further "adieu"... Here I am. A writer with hopes and fears, a mother, a human being, attempting to get over this fear of putting myself out there and just being me.

Feel free to follow me. Feel free to respond, agree with me or not. I've come to expect both since not one of us are cut, shaped or molded the same. Each of us comes with our own story and our own perspective. I say the more diverse, the better. If things have been going, the way they've been going in my mind then expect more from me. Sometimes our thoughts are not for us. Sometimes our thoughts are for others, even if its intended purpose is to just encourage them, that they are not alone and that they are apart of a network of people just like them.

Thanks for following and thanks for being here as I start to get over myself.

Click Here!